coming to college, i didn’t even know that my identity was lacking. i have always just sort of gone along with the flow of everyone else. and it didn’t appear to me while i was in the mist of all of this that i was not doing things because they were real to me. i was doing them because they were real to everyone else, and it just so happened to work for me.
but it didn’t really work for me. i was always stuck in the middle in high school. i had all of these desires to follow the lord and love the lord and surrender to the lord. but my desires always took precedent.
all of my friends…well, the majority of them…loved jesus in high school. and they encouraged me and strengthened me and challenged me. it was beautiful and wonderful and i wouldn’t change it for the world. but thennn i came to college. my world was rocked. all of the previous identities that i had…well, identified with..were gone. it was completely up to me to decide who i was and who i wanted to be.
i realized for the first time that my faith had almost been…vicarious. it was like i was living through the faiths of my friends without even knowing it. i had not established my identity for myself. and this is why college has been one of the best things that could have happened to me.
for the first time, i have been challenged to really search within my heart and choose the path that i want to choose…not the path that has been laid out before me.
and the path i choose is the narrow path.
and i want it now more than i ever had. instead of conflict between my desires and those of the lord, the lord is molding my desires into his.
and i have never felt more like myself. thank you, lord.
so this is my journey. i am not perfect. never will be. don’t want to be. but jesus is. annndd yep. that’s all.